9/26/2015
The Decision:
Friday was a big day for us!! I had just finished up my testing on Thursday and getting the bloodwork results to see if I am a match any time.
We started our day with a date with best phlebotomist in town Big John. And as usual he was amazing - Brodie only cries when he gets the band on his arm and it took John about 60 seconds from prick to full vial.
The labs for Brodie are how they monitor the medications and vitamins he is on to make sure his levels are stabilized and controlled and ensure his liver is not worsening.
We leave Big John to go meet with Brodie's medical team to get him checked out. We are anticipating the appointment to go well and the biggest thing we want to understand is Brodie's timeline and when they believe things will start worsening.
Our team is roughly about 4-7 people - nurses (pre & post), drs, surgeons, residents, etc.
The labs are in and team reviews - everything looks great. No changes since last week. Brodie is growing (still in 80th percentile +) and he, at this moment, today is in "good health" the meds are doing what they should and his body is working as it should to grow.
Which brings us to the big Q: How long will this last? They share with us that there is no true answer and everyone is different and in their experience they see a decline at 5-6 months.
Brodie is 4 months and 2 weeks.
We talk about the things that could happen and how things should go. We leave on a happy note and have positive outlooks.
While we were in that appointment my coordinator called - Donna - and she let me know bloodwork was back. And the preliminary screen was reviewed by her and the surgeon and......
I. AM. A. MATCH.
You know that feeling you see in movies where the whole world stops and that person is the only living breathing thing and everything else is frozen...and then boom.
Back to reality - I tell Russ quietly - "I am a match..." And then a bit louder "I am a match...."He looks at me intently and I say "We can proceed forward if we would like..."
We discuss for about 10 seconds (not including the hours of debate we had earlier this week) and without a doubt both of us say lets do it.
None of the cons seem to matter anymore. Brodie needs this and I am here. We are thriving on emotion.
Donna said I looked a bit scared when I verbally said the words:
"I would like to do this and be the donor."
And that is probably because I am.
You know the feeling when you pick up a crying baby and because you picked them up they just stop crying. In that moment you feel so good - your touch alone eased the need of that child. But as we all know that need and baby's silence only lasts for so long until the baby has another need, something else - bottle, toy, diaper change, etc.
Well the unknown about transplants is will the recipient ever need a new organ again? And that answer is unknown. And I realize part of my root cause hesitancy has been that I am "picking my baby up" and this is the first and last time I will be able to help him with this - because he may need another liver transplant down the road and you can only donate once.
And that is when I really have to fall back on the word trust that I shared with you all.
I have to trust that I am the best option.
That in this moment, this is the right decision.
That this may last him a lifetime. That with all of the technology and science we have who knows if we will be doing transplants 10 or 15 years from now.
That all I can do is give what I have and trust that the rest will fall into place.
And that Brodie's Good Vibe Tribe is what I need you all to help happen. Is pray, meditate, call for good intentions and good vibes while I "hold my baby" and hope he doesn't cry anytime soon. Because he is my little warrior and he will fly through this with amazing grace and we will continue to trust the 2x4 that slammed me across the face to give my little guy a second chance at life.
#brodiesgoodvibetribe #tiguetough #sliverofliver
